Paying back dues to my younger days

[rozk]

The short form is that, after going on the Burma solidarity March, I went with christinaalley and scattykat to see Holly Woodlawn in conversation. The amazing Sadie Lee has done a bunch of miraculous portaits that spare nothing of the indignities of middle age as here and the in conversation was wonderful and strange.

(Do people need to be told that Holly is the survivor of the Warhol drag queens? Candy was prettier and Jackie was smarter, but Holly lives on...And probably did the best performance in a movie - in Trash.)

Afterwards, I wandered up to Holly and told her that I saw her in London in cabaret in 1979 a few weeks after I transitioned. I reminded her that she sang 'Terrible Movie' from Bernstein's Trouble in Tahiti and she started singing bits of it in her cracked little voice. I told her how much she had meant to me back then and earlier, and bowed and kissed her hand. She gently tugged my head up by the chin and kissed me on the lips.

It was a benediction of sorts.

You see, I have always felt a little guilty.

Back in the 60s, I hung out with drag queens and transwomen and know where I belonged, but also wanted more from life than seemed on offer. My friend Sylvia, a magnificent old whore, told me not to be silly - get my degree and some power and then sort out my issues. I know she was right, but there is the road not taken, sort of.

And a lot of that got worked out by my time in low dives in Chicago in 78 and 80, and looking after young Soho transkids in 79. I was prudent and did what I had to do, and transitioned at a point when it was safer for me, and have had a nicer life as a result, and even done some good.

Holly threw herself at life and became a character in a famous rock song and was a star and has lived in poverty forever and was at Stonewall. I would never have been that lucky and would probably be dead.

A kiss from Holly was a way for the sweet dead fucked up street kid I might have been to forgive me for being sensible.

Comments

[annafdd.livejournal.com]

As I understand it, you are now again helping young transthings, yes? Do you seriously want them to think that you're a failure for being a wonderful smart witty caring woman with lots of interesting tales to tell, and that you lost out something by not dying young? The choice is not between living brightly and burning and being sensible and dull and surviving. The choice is between choosing life and accepting all the dreadful dimishing that comes with it, or go out in a blaze of glory when you still haven't lived a full life. You are not sensible and dull. You are sensible and smart and brave and have dragged a lot of people along with you that may not have made it else, if I read it right.

So off with this oh if only I had been a rock star pains-of-young-Werther nonsense. You're a role model for surviving and doing it sensibly and having FUN with it and actually getting some things done along the way.

[jasonelvis.livejournal.com]

You're a role model for surviving and doing it sensibly and having FUN with it and actually getting some things done along the way.

seconded, Roz.

and ooo, I shall be picturing that kiss.

[rozk.livejournal.com]

It would be arrogant to say 'helping'; I'd say,'hanging around as an occasional resource for the ones who are doing the actual work', myself.

And I know you're right, but I have my odd little regrets, which is why the kiss was important.

[thishardenedarm.livejournal.com]

thats a really lovely, cinematic moment, beautifully described and back-storied. It moved me, thanks Roz.

Kissed by Holly Woodlawn!

[crazycrone.livejournal.com]

And in a meaningful, benediction-y way.
What can one say but Wow!

[psycholibrarian.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful post. Thanks for it.

And as the others have said, you ARE a great role model!

Roz, you are a star too!

[christinaalley.livejournal.com]

Hiya Roz, sweetheart *hug*

Your modesty is so endearing and makes it easier to be friends with someone of such towering intellect as yourself. You are big hearted (inspite of your protestations otherwise) and a star in your own right. Your homage to Holly is very touching and I wish I had been watching when you went to pay your respects.

It is interesting to me that both you and Sacha admitted to putting Holly on a pedestal, especially as your respective reactions when you finally met her were diametrically opposed. In person, the aged Holly melted your heart and you felt an increased affection for her. Your tribute is really lovely. Sacha, on the other hand, was bitterly disappointed that Holly is in fact a real person and not the demi-goddess he idolized as a trans youth. His response was to slag her off in QX. C'est las vie (or 'Selavie' in Sacha's case).

Anyway, it was lovely spending the day with you yesterday.

Hugs,
C xx

K is for Kaveny

[gene-home.livejournal.com]

what they all said.

But I know how you feel, though slightly your junior.

Remember how stoked I was when I got that recent compliment from Joe and the treasured red feather boa from Holly when I impersonated him as joe d'allassandroid a few years earlier?--as a trannyurchin that survived Max's, visions and sarah schulman (joke) who knows you both, I can state

srsly ;)

it was/is a benediction and Holly was/is THE superstar in my opinion and the ultimate survivor and you are one too. not less but differently traveled.

afterall, there's a million ways to be trans but only one Roz. besides, if you woulda hung around ny once I'd moved to london, we never woulda met.

Re: K is for Kaveny

[rozk.livejournal.com]

I think we were going to meet sooner or later wherever and whenever. I once had the extended True Dream in which I went to NY in my early 20s and lived an NY life and yet it just meant that some key people from my London life came into my life by a different route.

Sometimes I think that we are born into all those worlds of possibilities and dream our way between them. Our incarnations are all at the same time...

Re: K is for Kaveny

[gene-home.livejournal.com]

sorta like that riverworld trilogy 'member?

that's what Seth says and Vonnegut -- the karass from Cat's cradle.

I say on my myspace that I'm from Tralfamadore (from Slaughterhouse 5).